Good Enough

Last night, I finally had the chance to watch the movie "Mom's Night Out". I had no idea what it was about, but it looked funny. I started watching it half in and half out of the room, as I let Lucy take a late nap. When she woke up, I continued to half listen while she played and ate dinner. I hit pause and took her into the bathroom for her tubby, and watched her splash and giggle in the water. I rinsed her off and wrapped her in a towel. I blew raspberries on her soft baby tummy and brushed the downy blonde hair on her tiny head. I fought to get her into her jammies, and then we walked around picking up toys and straightening the house. I thought repeatedly how heavy she was in my arms, and wondered out loud how much she weighs now. We packed daddy's lunch and put some laundry into drawers. Finally, as she began to whine and rub her eyes, we headed back to the bedroom. I sat down in my bed with her and let her nurse quietly. I held her small hand in mine, thinking to myself the whole time - what will these hands do in the next 80 years? Her eyes met mine and a big toothless grin appeared.

When she was drowsy and satisfied, I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom and laid her gently into her crib. She rolled away from my arms and snuggled up to her Owley and drifted off to sleep. I stood there for a moment...okay several moments...and just watched her sleep. My heart was so full that I felt tears begin to fall.

I wiped the tears away and slipped out of the room. I started dinner and moved around the room cutting up chicken and potatoes. I called my husband for dinner and we sat down in front of the TV to eat. I turned the movie back on and we continued to watch as a trio of women - mothers - attempted a mom's night out, which turned into a giant disaster. There were several great laughs, but the crowning moment of the movie was more profound than hilarious.

It was a scene between the main character, a mommy with three children and a severe case of mommy failure syndrome, and a large biker sitting in a dimly lit police station. As she poured her heart out about all her supposed failures and fears of being not good enough - he stopped her and told her it was all a lie. That she was not a failure and that she was good enough. More than enough. That God did not make a mistake, when he made her the mommy of those three children.

As I listened, I felt those familiar mommy tears begin rolling down my face. Those words spoke to my heart. Often I feel insufficient. I feel not enough. I feel like I can't keep up with the laundry, or the dishes, or making dinner, or supporting my husband, or loving my daughter, or having patience with them both. And my more recent realization - that someday Lucy will feel pain and heartbreak and fear. And although I will be there for when she needs me, I will not be able to protect her from everything bad in the world. That realization was the worst ache in my heart that I have ever felt. Ever.

But something else that the gentle biker said to the "not good enough" mommy brought me comfort - that no matter what, no matter where she is or what she does - Jesus's arms will always be open to her. He will hold her and protect her, when I cannot.

I am a mommy. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. And I am good enough. I am good enough, because God did not make a mistake when he made me the mother of my daughter and the wife of my husband. As I accepted this fact, peace settled into my heart. As I looked around our apartment, all the little signs that a tiny person lives here brought a smile to my heart. This is what our home looks like...

Had to put the iron "up" so Lucy wouldn't get to it!

Too many toys to fit into the bin...that's where my serving spoon went!

Baby bottle brush, formula, the bottle drying pad serving double duty...

Sippy cups, bottles, and macaroni and cheese...

An exersaucer in daddy's closet...

A baby wrist rattle on the printer...how did that get there??

A toy car on the end table...

An entire shelf in the pantry for baby "stuff"...

Owley towels on mommy's closet door...

Ellie the Elephant in mommy and daddy's bed...mommy's need snuggles too!

A night stand that used to hold books and cell phones!

A jewelry dish that now holds binky leashes!

And that little one that makes it all worth while.

To all the mommy's out there who feel like they are not good enough - YOU ARE! God made you the mommy to your little monsters ON PURPOSE! God is good. 

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.