It's HARD work, okay??
Like most new brides, I assumed that since I had met my Mr. Right life would be butterflies and roses and unicorns. Of course, everyone warned me that "the first year is the hardest." Honestly though, our first year really was full of butterflies and roses! We lived in an apartment and spent every hour together that we could. We watched movies, cooked food, played video games (yes, even me!), and lived our lives happily. The second year was when things became a little more difficult. Probably because I got pregnant... Goodness! That sure did put a spin on things! While I would not trade my sweet baby girl for anything, I am so very thankful that we did have an entire year to ourselves as "newlyweds" before we became parents. Being pregnant was hard, but at least it was still "just to the two of us." When Lucy made her grand appearance, life changed. Hard and fast.
It was no longer "just the two of us." It was the two of us plus one. And she sure did change life. I have never dealt well with sleep deprivation, and those first few months were proof! A difficult recovery from a c-section made that initial "bonding" time disappear. I had to concentrate on healing AND a tiny human that cried more than she slept. I had also made the decision to breastfeed (which I am so thankful for now -- formula is EXPENSIVE! Ha!) which meant that I was the ONLY one who could feed her... EVERY TWO HOURS...
The marriage that had been so effortless suddenly became work. It became a struggle. Not because I loved my husband less or he loved me less. Much the opposite. His support throughout my pregnancy and those early months made me ache with love for him. I was actually desperate to "just be us" again. Casual date nights and overnight trips to my mother's house became scheduled hardships that just were not the same. On date nights I worried if she was crying a lot or wouldn't take a bottle. I stressed that I was staying out too late and wouldn't get enough sleep (that whole sleep deprivation thing again... IT'S REAL). As the months wore on, Lucy eventually began to sleep for a few hours at a time.
I distinctly remember staying up late for the first time by choice after Lucy was born. She was in bed and we rented a really awful Redbox and stayed up way too late waiting for it to redeem itself. I don't remember it because of the lack of sleep I got that night or the horrible movie plot, but because it was the first "Date Night" that we had that I had gotten dressed up and gone out with my husband and didn't feel stressed or worried or irritable. We got dinner and came home with the movie since we both would rather snuggle on the couch than share seats with a thousand other movie goers... ick.
It was also that night that I realized it was okay to have to work at your marriage. In fact, that it was a very good thing! Just like any good thing, we must continue to put in effort in order to reap the rewards. I have never struggled a day in our marriage to love my husband. That's the easy part. It's making time to continue to hear him and and learn about him and meet his needs before my own that is the hard part.
We had a belated Valentine's Day date last night and again went to dinner and rented a Redbox. It was so special to sit and talk about something (other than the baby!) and learn some new things about each other. We do not often have the time at home to just sit and talk like when we were dating. And it was so precious to me. When we came home we forgot about the movie -- it was already 9:00 and I'm old now -- so instead we read our Bible together. We soaked in a Scripture passage together, and after discussing it and hearing his heart, I felt even more tightly knit to this man.
So, I guess I am learning that marriage is hard work. Very hard work. But that is okay. In fact, it is a very good thing.
It was no longer "just the two of us." It was the two of us plus one. And she sure did change life. I have never dealt well with sleep deprivation, and those first few months were proof! A difficult recovery from a c-section made that initial "bonding" time disappear. I had to concentrate on healing AND a tiny human that cried more than she slept. I had also made the decision to breastfeed (which I am so thankful for now -- formula is EXPENSIVE! Ha!) which meant that I was the ONLY one who could feed her... EVERY TWO HOURS...
The marriage that had been so effortless suddenly became work. It became a struggle. Not because I loved my husband less or he loved me less. Much the opposite. His support throughout my pregnancy and those early months made me ache with love for him. I was actually desperate to "just be us" again. Casual date nights and overnight trips to my mother's house became scheduled hardships that just were not the same. On date nights I worried if she was crying a lot or wouldn't take a bottle. I stressed that I was staying out too late and wouldn't get enough sleep (that whole sleep deprivation thing again... IT'S REAL). As the months wore on, Lucy eventually began to sleep for a few hours at a time.
I distinctly remember staying up late for the first time by choice after Lucy was born. She was in bed and we rented a really awful Redbox and stayed up way too late waiting for it to redeem itself. I don't remember it because of the lack of sleep I got that night or the horrible movie plot, but because it was the first "Date Night" that we had that I had gotten dressed up and gone out with my husband and didn't feel stressed or worried or irritable. We got dinner and came home with the movie since we both would rather snuggle on the couch than share seats with a thousand other movie goers... ick.
It was also that night that I realized it was okay to have to work at your marriage. In fact, that it was a very good thing! Just like any good thing, we must continue to put in effort in order to reap the rewards. I have never struggled a day in our marriage to love my husband. That's the easy part. It's making time to continue to hear him and and learn about him and meet his needs before my own that is the hard part.
We had a belated Valentine's Day date last night and again went to dinner and rented a Redbox. It was so special to sit and talk about something (other than the baby!) and learn some new things about each other. We do not often have the time at home to just sit and talk like when we were dating. And it was so precious to me. When we came home we forgot about the movie -- it was already 9:00 and I'm old now -- so instead we read our Bible together. We soaked in a Scripture passage together, and after discussing it and hearing his heart, I felt even more tightly knit to this man.
So, I guess I am learning that marriage is hard work. Very hard work. But that is okay. In fact, it is a very good thing.
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