A Case of the Feels...
When I was newly pregnant, I read a blog post that talked about getting a "case of the feels" when you enter motherhood. I didn't understand exactly what it meant until I met my daughter, Lucy. In motherhood, and fatherhood, everything is bigger, deeper, and more precious. Both the good and the bad leave you feeling stripped raw and vulnerable each day. Because part of your heart and soul is now living outside of your body.
Today it became even more real for me - an even bigger "case of the feels" as I watched my daughter. She is almost a year and half old, and constantly watching and learning and exploring. It became very obvious to me as I watched her with her baby doll. Her $4 baby is her most prized possession. She carries it with her everywhere. I never thought she would ever have a "lovey" or "blankie," but that day has come...and I kind of love it!
As I sat drinking my coffee and contemplating what needed to be done today, I looked up to see why she was so quiet. In one arm she held her doll and in the other hand, she held a sock. At first I didn't know what she was doing, then I understood... She wiped first the left hand, then the right hand, licked the sock and then gently wiped her feet and mouth. Maybe not the order or the tool I would have chosen, but it really hit me hard. She is watching me! All the time! She mimics the ways that she is cared for by mommy and daddy.
I'll be honest, the first year of her life felt kind of like I was trying to keep a mindless blob alive... (Can I say that, as a mom??) Of course, she is adorable, and I love her to pieces! But with no voice to speak with it is sometimes difficult to remember that she is still experiencing and learning every day of her life.
My heart swells with fear and awe and tender love for my sweet little girl. While it is greatly intimidating to know that she sees me and learns from me, it also made me so happy that what she saw in my care for her was love and gentleness. I'll be honest, I don't always feel like I succeed in those areas. Sometimes I am too harsh with her and sometimes I wish I could take back my words and actions. But...she still sees and feels loved, which is my prayer.
So dear mama, who is tired and frustrated and feeling defeated, know that you are doing okay. Your kids still know that they are loved. They still know that you are trying. They still see the ways you love them...even if they can't say it out loud.
I suppose that is how the Lord probably feels with us a lot of times. He is a perfect God, but I am certain that He still feels frustrated with us. He knows my heart. And while I am nothing without Him, I can be everything with Him. His love and forgiveness is what keeps me moving forward in this crazy life. It is a hard life sometimes, but I have never not felt loved. What a blessing!
Dear Father,
I pray you know that despite how many times I mess up -- I still feel your unconditional love and acceptance of me, despite my sin. I love you Lord, and I love the beautiful ways that You have blessed me. Thank you for allowing me to have a case of the feels this morning!
Today it became even more real for me - an even bigger "case of the feels" as I watched my daughter. She is almost a year and half old, and constantly watching and learning and exploring. It became very obvious to me as I watched her with her baby doll. Her $4 baby is her most prized possession. She carries it with her everywhere. I never thought she would ever have a "lovey" or "blankie," but that day has come...and I kind of love it!
As I sat drinking my coffee and contemplating what needed to be done today, I looked up to see why she was so quiet. In one arm she held her doll and in the other hand, she held a sock. At first I didn't know what she was doing, then I understood... She wiped first the left hand, then the right hand, licked the sock and then gently wiped her feet and mouth. Maybe not the order or the tool I would have chosen, but it really hit me hard. She is watching me! All the time! She mimics the ways that she is cared for by mommy and daddy.
I'll be honest, the first year of her life felt kind of like I was trying to keep a mindless blob alive... (Can I say that, as a mom??) Of course, she is adorable, and I love her to pieces! But with no voice to speak with it is sometimes difficult to remember that she is still experiencing and learning every day of her life.
My heart swells with fear and awe and tender love for my sweet little girl. While it is greatly intimidating to know that she sees me and learns from me, it also made me so happy that what she saw in my care for her was love and gentleness. I'll be honest, I don't always feel like I succeed in those areas. Sometimes I am too harsh with her and sometimes I wish I could take back my words and actions. But...she still sees and feels loved, which is my prayer.
So dear mama, who is tired and frustrated and feeling defeated, know that you are doing okay. Your kids still know that they are loved. They still know that you are trying. They still see the ways you love them...even if they can't say it out loud.
I suppose that is how the Lord probably feels with us a lot of times. He is a perfect God, but I am certain that He still feels frustrated with us. He knows my heart. And while I am nothing without Him, I can be everything with Him. His love and forgiveness is what keeps me moving forward in this crazy life. It is a hard life sometimes, but I have never not felt loved. What a blessing!
Dear Father,
I pray you know that despite how many times I mess up -- I still feel your unconditional love and acceptance of me, despite my sin. I love you Lord, and I love the beautiful ways that You have blessed me. Thank you for allowing me to have a case of the feels this morning!
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| Seriously...that face though?? |
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