The first year is the hardest...or is it?

As any married couple knows, there is a lot of build up and anticipation in the days, weeks, and months before your wedding. Everyone around you, even strangers, suddenly takes an interest in your nuptials, your dress, your honeymoon, etc. It is lovely to revel in the glow of attention, even when you are pulling your hair out trying to finish programs, making sure you ordered enough boutonnieres, and passing out last minute invitations to people you forgot. Even for a couple weeks after the honeymoon everyone still considered us a hot topic and handed out congratulations and well wishes like candy, and I thought to myself "The first year is not going to be the hardest!" But the glow of the newlywed begins to fade as you slip into routine with work, grocery shopping, paying bills, and scheduling time with both sides of the family.

Having only been married for about two months now, I do not claim to know everything about marriage. In fact, I am obviously very much a novice and understand that. However, I recently had a more realistic thought, “Now I know why everyone says the first year is the hardest!” My husband and I have had only a few small misunderstandings and disagreements concerning each other – all of which were overcome with a little humility and grace on both sides. The biggest hurdle so far though has been the unexpected – car repairs, home repairs, finding time for each other – and the toll it has taken on us as a couple.

I do not know if it is possible to prepare for these things or if you must simply live through them and learn. In any case, we are living and learning one day at a time. Within the last couple of weeks, we have both felt a burden on our shoulders from the weight of concerns on our minds; concerns that range from financial worries to problems with co-workers to ticking biological clocks. We talk about what is bothering us when we feel like it or need to vent, but I recently had a revelation about our marriage – we seldom pray about these things together.

We do our best to at least say a short prayer together before we go to sleep at night, but it rarely has any depth to it. It is like a short good night to our heavenly Father before kissing each other and falling into slumber. While this sounds nice, it does nothing to shore up the foundation of our relationship with God or each other.

We started out with these wonderful expectations of spending hours in prayer and reading the Scriptures and  conquering the world together. Sadly, meetings with parents and teachers, grading homework, cleaning, doing laundry, washing dishes, and shopping for groceries often leave us both feeling too exhausted for much more than collapsing in a heap on the bed and watching a movie until we fall asleep within ten minutes. And the next morning, we get up and do it all over again.

My refreshment and the reason I have started writing again is Ephesians 5:14-17:

“Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.”

I sometimes feel as though our routines and daily living in the world causes us to fall asleep spiritually. We wander around in a fog of darkness, not really living and not really being who Christ intended us to be. We get so wrapped up in making sure the things of this world are in order, that we forget to be concerned about the things that really matter – eternity. I press onward and upward thinking that a few more dollars in the bank or getting up early to start to my car is going to make all the difference for the day. 

In reality though, our focus on those things just pushes us further away from our true goal - Jesus Christ. My husband has a wonderful, challenging job as a middle school/junior high teacher in a Christian school. He loves his students and has been blessed with the gift of mediating. He is able to stay objective and focused during even the most heated confrontations. People listen to him and as a result often hear wisdom from God's mouth direct to their hearts. Because of this deep concern for those around him, he often carries a burden for them that most people would brush off at the end of the day. 

I do not always understand his burden because my job as a sales office assistant in a manufacturing firm is usually less than challenging. It is my place right now, and I really like my co-workers but I sometimes doubt God's plan for placing me here. When I come home at the end of the day, I forget about work completely and focus on dinner, cleaning, laundry, and whatever else that needs to be tackled in our home.  

Selfishly, I expect him to forget everything else and focus on me, even when I do not offer him the same courtesy. In reality, our mutual focus on and love for Christ should be what brings us together every evening. Even after a long day facing various battles and struggles, our common denominator should be Jesus Christ not the ham and mashed potatoes on the dinner table. Ephesians 5 continues in verses 20-22 and 25:

"Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."

 When we take time to pray and give thanks to God for each other, we are again able to clearly see that God gave us wives worthy of love and husbands worthy of respect and submission. We can understand the struggles and temptations that the other faces. It's as though our memories are jogged and we remember just why we said "I Do." My prayer today is that even if this is to be our hardest year of marriage, we never forget to spend time in prayer for and with each other. 

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12