Waiting for "Mr. Right"

I know I promised a different post about "my perfect day," but this was on my heart today. So, I will postpone "My Perfect Day" to tomorrow.

As a young woman growing up in a Christian home, waiting for "Mr. Right" was preached almost as much as the Ten Commandments! Okay, that is a slight exaggeration, but a lot of young ladies can sympathize with me, I am sure! As a young teenager, around 13 or 14, boys really were not on my radar. Of course, I had my crushes and the fellas that I thought were "cute" and such. But my parents had set a rule from the beginning of time that we were not permitted to date until we were 16. No exceptions. A small spirit of rebellion in me "broke" that rule the summer I was 13 at church camp. A young man "asked me out" and I enthusiastically said, "Yes!" after knowing him for a whopping 3 days. Our brief romance reached its peak, when we said a tearful good-bye on the last day and he handed me a pink butterfly necklace that he had bought in the Sweet Shop. We exchanged a very tame hug, and I wept all the way home. (Okay...well for about 15 minutes anyways...) 

That was my first "boyfriend." He called once or twice and then suddenly said, "It just wasn't working out." Uh, duh! We lived two hours apart, couldn't drive, and didn't know each others middle names! Honestly, it was just as well with me, I had already moved on anyways...after all, I was 13 with an understanding of love equal about a -3 on a scale to 10. After dipping my toes into the "dating" waters that first time, I never had a real flesh and blood boyfriend until one month before my 18th birthday. Wild, I know! I really just enjoyed hanging out with a group of friends (and if I'm honest, flirting with whomever I wished...) Truthfully, when I began dating a boy we will call "Peter," I wasn't interested in anything long term. I just desperately wanted a boyfriend! He and I got along very well. He was charming and fun and got along with just about anyone. We dated for most of our senior year in high school and the first year of college. There were a lot of reasons why we broke up, but mostly because we just were not heading in the same direction.

He went away for college, and I stayed home. Some of our spiritual views were very different, and neither of us was willing to compromise our beliefs. We fought...a lot! Rarely over important things, and mostly about things about which either one or both of us was insensitive. And...drum roll...we were too young! I know a lot of you might say, "Too young?? At eighteen?!" And I will reply with a resounding, "YES! Too young." 

Peter and I were grossly naive in the ways of the world and the ways of relationships. It was all about "me, me, me" for both us. This mindset is in staunch opposition to what the Bible says about love. I Corinthians 13 is often referred to as the "Love Chapter" in the Bible and rightly so. It defines ever so clearly what love is. I prefer the King James version of the Bible, especially for this chapter, because in place of the word "love" it uses the word "charity." Love or charity in this context comes from the Greek for agape, which means unconditional love. Charity also refers to sacrificial love. 

Unconditional. Sacrificial. 

The word love is often used flippantly and carelessly by teenagers and adults alike. At 13, 20, and even at 26, I dare say that the definition of my love is rarely unconditional or sacrificial. Becoming a mom did force some of that sacrificial love out of me, whether I liked it or not. In a previous post, "I Am Not Supermom," I wrote about how many things in my life are no longer my own. It is very hard to put someone else's needs and desires above your own, especially when you are not even related to that person (i.e. a boyfriend or girlfriend). Sacrificial love means to give all you have without expectation of return. Unconditional...that is a really hard concept too. To love regardless of what that person does to hurt you or disappoint you.

I'm not trying to set a universal dating age or guideline. The heart behind this post is to encourage girls (and guys) to save their hearts. It isn't about "searching" or "finding" Mr. Right. It is about preparing your heart and learning to love unconditionally and sacrificially so that when he (or she) does show up, you are ready. Our culture screams at us that every young person NEEDS a boyfriend or girlfriend in order to be normal. But that is just a lie straight from Satan. Our true joy and fulfillment can only come from a relationship with Jesus Christ. No boy, girl, man, or woman can ever fill that Jesus shaped hole in your heart.

I didn't meet my husband until I was 23. I had four long years of complete singlehood to first be mad that I was single, then lonely, then mad again, and then finally, I learned to wait. And as that really annoying saying goes, "When I least expected it, there he was." Well...kind of. I certainly didn't expect to find him on a singles' dating site! But that is a story for another day! Spend some time learning what love truly is...and understanding just how much your Savior loved you in order to die for your sin.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." I Corinthians 13:4-7